guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
