I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
