What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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