I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
