Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
