You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We are two peas in an std pod
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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