So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
