Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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