come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize