it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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