I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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