Duck Duck Cougar?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
