I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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