remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i would punch a child for taco bell
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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