Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
