I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
