No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
