i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
All the doctor said was why
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
