My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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