I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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