if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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