I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize