why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
