i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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