im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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