i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
