I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
