I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
