Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
