You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
