He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
