fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
