margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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