I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
