Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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