you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
