He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
