idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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