just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
