420 ftw
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
