dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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