All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
