They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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