i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
