windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
