It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
