My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
