By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize