Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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