this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
