Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
