He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
