How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
