I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
