Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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