Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
