porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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