do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize