A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
