Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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