All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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