would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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