the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
