Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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