Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
third nipple confirmed
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
