i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
