Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
