Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I intend to get homeless drunk
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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